nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
