The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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