Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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