I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
