i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
