my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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