I heard we made out
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
