awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can I color on your dick again?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
