Im at strip club and am horny
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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