He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
