Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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