3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
