whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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