THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
