I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
do herpes really smell.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
