I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
