she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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