hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
