entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
