I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
