This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
