I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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