All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
