we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
