Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
