You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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