I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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