Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
