The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
