Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
