noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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