I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
