Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
