Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
