Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
