Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
