Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
