Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
