The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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