Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
