mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
