its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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