I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
