too bad you live with your parents still
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
