I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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