I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
