He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I woke up under a house in Key West
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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