you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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