shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
