I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i was born a porn star she said
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
