I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Randomize
