Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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