i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
