So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
