she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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