Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
