i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
