i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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