I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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