If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
