Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize