I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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