he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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