Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You ate ashes out of my bong
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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