i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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