Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
