the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My vagina just clenched in fear
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