this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
