I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
