Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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