Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
