god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
