Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize