He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
