Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
