I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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