Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
