After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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