i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
