I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
