I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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