I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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