I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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