My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
