I faked an abortion last night.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We are two peas in an std pod
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
