I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
