he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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