woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
