No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
