Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
