Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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