I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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