i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
