we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
