ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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