i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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