He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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