So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
